to find out or not to find out

With our last child I went into the anatomy scan to see how baby was doing. I said to the US tech that I did not want to know what we were having. ONLY if they were 100% sure they could tell what it was I wanted them to write it down on a sheet of paper for IF and WHEN we wanted to know. Well the US tech could not tell- okay bummer, but OKAY thats fine better yet we could easily be team green now! Well when the Dr. comes in I repeated what I said to the US tech. He is looking and he says "Yep, thats what it is, write it down." I'm excited now! Yay they can tell! The tech skeptically looks at the Dr, and the screen and seems slow to write it out" Fast forward: my husband and I one night are sitting on the couch with envelope in hand discussing do we find out or not? We decide to open it- EEK here it goes. He sees it and smiles and hands it to me! Its what I felt it would be- Congrats its a GIRL! WOW YAY! time to find pink time to find purple-- oh all these diapers I get to find! Fast forward again: I had a homebirth- I remember it to this day- baby is delivered in my living room, Im facing the wall and husband is saying with this positive tone... uh oh uh oh! I turn around to face them.... in SHOCK... "THATS....NOT....A GIRL! I'm shocked,..I'm stunned,... I loved him yes but I grieved the loss of this child I made these emotional connections with.. that I made life plans for. It sounds so weird I know but it took days for me to get used to this. I would have rather not known at all then to know it this way.
It was Gods hand on me saying "Silly girl, see! didn't you know that your not meant to find out, this is in my hands not your doctors."

So my big question is: I don't do very well with this baby patience thing. I realize that if I risk finding out this could happen again. BUT goodness I really want to know. I have the choice to find out in a couple weeks. Its the race for the boys (3) and the girls (2) what will it be?  Do we wait to find out? What are the pros to waiting? How do you do it? This baby will be born in the winter which is my first so the clothing wont be as prepared etc. Vote!

Blessing Number 6 coming in January 2014

Number 6 yes! Its wonderful isn't it? God has shown his grace once again.
Well we were a little bit more nontraditional this time around and didn't tell anyone until about 4 months along. Lots of people just have too many opinions these days about large families. This always seems so comical to me because its not like we are poor, its not like we neglect our children. We choose to raise them in a christian home. Yet everyone has an OPINION and feel the need to tell you what that is. God says "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”so yes unfortunately we will always have people this way to bring us down. But its not their body, its not their life. Its my husbands and my choice to follow what God wants for us. Its our blessing. We will look to him when any family or friends tells us any different. 

All babies are created with unique
purpose.

And we know that all things work
together for good to those who love God,
to those who are called according to purpose

Romans 8:28